Calling the Bluff – Demon’s Souls’ Conspiracy Unmasked

Posted on 03/02/2011


This entry may or may not be written in a somewhat ironic voice.

I called the bluff. People are lying to each other big time on the Internet. And in the gaming press.
It’s a shame really. Why do people resort to this? Must have something to do with male bragging. Hurrhurrhurr this chili is so incredibly hot I’m getting stomach cramps from eating it. It’s delicious! Hurrhurrhurr of course I love it too. But I add half a bottle of habanero sauce because I like the way it tastes. There’s blood in my stool but HURRHURRHURR it’s so DELICIOUS!

Demon’s Souls is just that. Everyone pretends liking it. Yet we all know nobody NOT EVEN YOU really does like it.
Let’s face it. This is a game that prides itself on being hard. And not in the good old capcom Devil May Cry “you died twice, want to continue on easy?” way hard, but hard as in “the playtesters complained a lot about it being unplayable so we added more one hit kills – weak minded swine…” way. It’s not a game anyone in his right mind could possible enjoy playing. It’s a game that’s deliberately frustrating, hindering player progress, omitting almost any signposting, making sure there will be no fun had. Not even backwards or old school. Just idiotically bullyish mean. Entirely unenjoyable. This game must have been made by people who hate video games and the people who play them.

So why do people like it? They don’t. They pretend to. Oh it’s so good and gratifyingly hard. No it’s not. It’s just bullshit. You don’t like it. You just say you do so that maybe people will look up to you for being such a badass hardcore motherfucker to endure an experience like this.
Guess what. Your bluff has been called. You do not enjoy it because there is nothing to enjoy here. Even if you successfully finished the first level after a week of playing the game four hours a day. You hate the game. For wasting your time. For frustrating the fuck out of you. For making you trash your controller. Twice. You do not want to play on. But the bragging rights it gives you, oh they are so enjoyable.
Those have to be the only reason people have played this game. Bragging rights. Oh look ma, I’m so hardcore. This has also to be the reason the usually reliable gaming press has heaped praise on this abysmal piece of software.

And now there’s a new game coming along, a sequel. The developer already stated it will feature a “greatly increased” difficulty over the last game. Also it will be open world. My guess would be that there will be no saving the game, ever. No pause function. Also every single enemy in the game will have one-hit-kill attacks. And ONLY those. And obviously you have to be careful with the character creation, since you can also die there, which blocks the next character from being created in the next 48 hours.

Oh you phonies will love this game. It will feature all of your game of the year lists, so you can show to the world how fucking hardcore you are.
Fucking pathetic.